ok I dont' know if I ever mentioned that my best bud was living with me, so in case I didn't: My best friend moved back from Arizona to come home to Utah for a few months, where he would leave to join the airforce. (That was kinda long winded.) Anyway that's basically what happened. My best bud from since JR high was gonna come home and see everyone before he had to leave. Without question I insisted he lived with me which he had been doing for the past 3 months. Hooked him up with a bed and everything, he even snagged a seasonal job just so he had something to do while I was at work. We partied every weekend and most weeknights as well. It was the good ol' times (he moved to Arizona for about 2 years prior to being here recently) So I had been used to him moving away before!

I easily consider him my brother, however up until now, I've never actually lived with him. Naturally I became a lot closer to my best friend. Well the time had come up. He was a couple of days away from his departure and just like everyone else, he was dreading it! He continually talked about how he wished he would have never moved to Arizona in the first place and now he wished there was a way of out this current situation. So what did we do? WE PARTIED!! Every night for that entire week! It seemed like it never stopped. We constantly had people we had to see, places to go, alcohol to drink! It was awesome. Most kids dream of having so much to do. Then Monday came; scheduled to be at his destination by 8 p.m. He had mentioned to me he wanted to go to lunch with me and his sister before he had to pack up and take off. So the family all went to lunch and had a good time. It never REALLY dawned on me until right after I hugged him and told him be safe, that he was really leaving and there is a large chance I might not see him again.

Although he scored a very high score on his aptitude test there is still the chance they will deploy him wherever they feel like it. He may not have the choice to come back home. I didn't like it. I got in my truck and just kinda went blank. Quickly beginning to realize that my best friend, my brother, may not be coming back to live with me. Other things began to set in such as: "What the fuck am I going to do on the weekends?!" "Who the shit is gonna make fun of me when I say something stupid?" "What if nobody calls me to hang out now that he's gone?!" So i went to work, thinking about it every so often until it was time to go home. When I got home he had left my family a note saying "I am sorry I couldn't be here when you got home to say goodbye. I just want you all to know I love you all and you will always be in my heart. I can't thank you enough for letting me live here although it was very short." I'm afraid that wasn't it word for word however the only thing missing was a few more words to the note. My mom was in tears. One of her babies was gone. Now I know being blood has it's meanings but as far as I'm concerned: we may look completely different but he's my blood. He's been there through thick and thin and I'd do the same without question for him. We are family.

Well for a guy who can not seem to cry, that note and seeing my mom really hit me. It was about as close to crying as I get. Maybe he realizes that he might not have the choice to come back but I think that is what is bothering me the most. It's a very unsettling feeling for me