Figured I better update this thing. Things are going pretty good. My attempt at creating my own new role at the company has been working really well as I am now spending more time working on projects and designing things for bigger clientèle rather than simple prepress operation. I am spending a LOT more time at work and seem to be MUCH busier however it makes the day go by faster and since it's work I actually enjoy doing it doesn't bother me much at all.

I have been noticing a few new things about myself that is bothering me. Things such as: I find myself trying to "buy friendship" with people. I like to consider everyone as a friend and have no problem helping them out in whatever way I can but I'm beginning to wonder if the only reason a majority of people are my friends simply for that fact. Here is a really good example: I used to have a friend that no matter what he did, everyone he knew always wanted to come hang out with him. Even when all he did was sit at his house! There was CONSTANTLY a friend of his with him or trying to get a hold of him so they could come hang out too. I'm am largely curious as to what he did/is doing that makes people always want to be involved with him. Besides my brothers I can look back and every situation that got me a new friend involved me doing something for them or buying something or offering some sort of object or service. It's not something I can really rely upon and it's beginning to bug me pretty bad

I want to know why I feel like if I don't offer my help/service/money then nobody would accept me or want me to be around.... wow even reading this as I type is bothering me